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Thread: Raat dhalti rahi

  1. #1
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    present Raat dhalti rahi

    Tears - Raat dhalti rahi
    Raat dhalti rahe, mann sulagta raha,
    Aag jalti rahe, dil pighalta raha,

    Chaand ny hum sy ye shabb mein pucha yaro,
    Raat beet'ti rahe, tu q jagta raha,

    Behissi qaim rahe, bharam tot'ta raha,
    Aah nikalti rahe, nasoor banta gya,

    Jigar hota raha chhalni, dard barhta raha,
    Aankh tapakti rahe, zabt chhot'ta raha,

    Anaa qaim rahe, khool chharhta raha Bilaal,
    Sard hotay rahay ta'asur, koi marta raha...
    254311 151251481613107 100001847683469 313672 3952200 n - Raat dhalti rahi

    I am so lonely, broken angel
    I am so lonely, listen to my heart

    One and only, broken angel
    Come and save me, before I fall apart

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    word selection bohat achi hay... over all thora sa improvise karo to bohat acha hay..

    Good effort.. keep it up

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    bht khoob...
    theme to bht he achi hai

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    sorry but mujhy shayeri kuch theek nahi lgi...
    hmwazan nahi lgi or ilfaaz hain to chanyo to acha hay lekin hmkafiya nahi lagy...

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    i agree to you jia.. may be roman me likha hay isliy writing mistake ho... lets consider it like...

    Raat dhalti rahi, mann sulagta raha,
    Aag jalti rahi, dil pighalta raha,

    Chaand ne hum sy ye shabb mein pucha yaaro,
    Raat beet'ti rahi, tu kyon jagta raha,

    Behissi qaim rahi, bharam tot'ta raha,
    Aah nikalti rahi, na-soor banta gya,

    Jigar hota raha chhalni, dard barhta raha,
    Aankh tapakti rahi, zabt chhot'ta raha,

    Anaa qaim rahi, khool chharhta raha Bilaal,
    Sard hotay rahay ta'asur, koi marta raha...



    Personally i think maine is se milti julti poetry kahin parhi bhi hay... may be ye inspire ho.. and most imp.. yahan i think takhallus ki zerurat nahi thi..

    and bilal i hope tmhe bura nahi lag raha ho,we are not professional or genius..bas apni akal se jo thek laga wo batadia.. i hope u dont mind.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    sOOOperb
    .
    bddsv - Raat dhalti rahi

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    thanx all of u 4 highlighting my mistakes.me ko b lagi theen kafii!!!!!!!!!!
    254311 151251481613107 100001847683469 313672 3952200 n - Raat dhalti rahi

    I am so lonely, broken angel
    I am so lonely, listen to my heart

    One and only, broken angel
    Come and save me, before I fall apart

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    Quote Originally Posted by Killer View Post
    i agree to you jia.. may be roman me likha hay isliy writing mistake ho... lets consider it like...

    Raat dhalti rahi, mann sulagta raha,
    Aag jalti rahi, dil pighalta raha,

    Chaand ne hum sy ye shabb mein pucha yaaro,
    Raat beet'ti rahi, tu kyon jagta raha,

    Behissi qaim rahi, bharam tot'ta raha,
    Aah nikalti rahi, na-soor banta gya,

    Jigar hota raha chhalni, dard barhta raha,
    Aankh tapakti rahi, zabt chhot'ta raha,

    Anaa qaim rahi, khool chharhta raha Bilaal,
    Sard hotay rahay ta'asur, koi marta raha...



    Personally i think maine is se milti julti poetry kahin parhi bhi hay... may be ye inspire ho.. and most imp.. yahan i think takhallus ki zerurat nahi thi..

    and bilal i hope tmhe bura nahi lag raha ho,we are not professional or genius..bas apni akal se jo thek laga wo batadia.. i hope u dont mind.
    beshak Bilaal ki koshish bohat achi hay...in ki poetry mainy pehly b aik 2 threads main parhi hay bohat achi hay....
    lekin isy mainy 2 3 dafa parha pr mujh say tarz b theek say nahi bn rahi..

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    koi baat nahi jia.. as u said...bilal ki koshish achi hoti hay aur success ya failure unko milta hay jo attempt karte hain.. Bilal ne attempt to kia... you hav and we are appreciating him for that..

    keep it up bilal.. keep writing..

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Raat dhalti rahi

    2 all of u!!!!!!!!!!!!
    n ghalti point out dost ne karay ga to koun karay ga!!!!!!!!
    agian 2 all!!!!!!!!!!!
    254311 151251481613107 100001847683469 313672 3952200 n - Raat dhalti rahi

    I am so lonely, broken angel
    I am so lonely, listen to my heart

    One and only, broken angel
    Come and save me, before I fall apart

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